Mass murderer Cancer the Crab was found guilty of over one million counts of murder this afternoon. Police state that there is still no sign of his cohort Aries, as many reports of serial head-butting turned out to be the work of Taurus, a small-town miscreant. If you have any information on this wanted ram, please call the Gemini Crime Headquarters immediately.
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And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for those meddling kids.