Ninja and Pirate

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been through this whole situation. 2:30 in the morning and your brain suddenly decides “Hey you know what? Let’s get motivated! Let’s turn your life around, pal! Let’s do this! Jumping jacks, now! 500 of them! Go!” And you’re like “Brain, no. It’s 2:30 in the morning.” And your brain is all “All right. All right. We’ll do it tomorrow! Let’s just kill the president!” “What was that brain?” “Nothing, man, nothing. Just go to sleep.” Then it’s like 8 in the morning the next day and you’re like “Alright! C’mon! Let’s rock and roll!” And your brain’s like “GRRAAAUGH! NO! NO I’M NOT GETTING UP!” “C’mon brain. Let’s get up.” “No! I am offended by you and your notions of work! Go ‘way!” And then you just lay there in a catatonic state for a while until you pee yourself and the orderly lady with the nice smelling hair comes to change your jacket and diaper. Man, if I had a nickel, right?